Voices in my Head

 
Okay, so they're not really in my head, but on the screen.  However this voice is more real, more honest, more positively transparent than any I've heard.  It's refreshing.  It's inspiring.  It's healing and hopeful. to me.

The thoughts in this post resound with my soul.  They shout and scream.  Often, I feel the power and insight in what she writes.  This one is no different.  Or perhaps it's different by being more clear and true. 

Have a 'listen'.  Or don't.  

One Jesus - Jamie, The Very Worst Missionary 

What do you think?

walking away

The last year has been a hard one for me.  There has been a feeling of betrayal, confusion and pain.  Through it I have struggled in my 'walk with God.'

Recently, I've been thinking...
If you walk away from church, does that mean you're walking away from God?  Now, I know that some folks will resoundingly say 'YES!' from the top of their lungs.

But, what if the 'church' walked away from you first?
Does that change anything?  What if, a group of people you've loved, worshiped with, and committed to just decided that you weren't what they wanted anymore and cut their ties?  Of course, it would be in a loving, sweet worded manner.  There would be lots of proper things said, but the message was still clear enough, you're not accepted as you are.

Then what?

Anyone like a Cuppa?

Recently, we invited some friends over for dinner.  They couldn't come by for dinner, so these friends said they'd stop by earlier for tea.

Like any calm, reasonable adult I thought, "WHAT??  What am I suppose to do with that??" 

Americans don't do "afternoon tea" (or morning or evening tea for that matter)! We don't even know there's a difference between afternoon and evening tea.  Needless to say, I was feeling a little lost...

Thankfully, I managed to pull myself together.  Even more thankfully, the friends stopping by were gracious. Very gracious.  We had tea.  And, if I didn't do it properly, they never mentioned it.  We enjoyed our tea with a lovely cake they brought along, chatted, and had a great time together.  But I felt way out of my element.

This makes me think that oftentimes it's more the effort we make, than actually doing something "just right". 

Or at least that's what I'm telling myself. ;-)

Pain...

Pain is often the beginning of a journey.

I don't know how often it starts us moving, but I think it's a major cause.  To me, there are two responses to pain: sit in it, or move on.

I have sat in pain.  

It doesn't change the pain.  It acknowledges it;  it experiences its depth and edges; sitting in it can even allow me to learn from it.  The pain may lesson with time, but it remains, a place of tenderness, or perhaps a scar.

I have also been pushed by pain.  When the sitting in it just doesn't work.  Maybe there's too much pain to handle, or perhaps, it's a pain that's paralyzing.  Sometimes, I think, one pain can lead to another, they can feed from each other or avalanche into one another.  I can't sit in these pains. 

It's too much.  I must move.

I think it's easy to sit where we're comfortable.  There's no reason to move when surrounded by comfort, little motivation to change or adjust.  I've felt this too.  I tell myself I'm growing or changing, beginning a new direction, but I like the steadiness of what I've known. 

I don't think pain is like that.  Pain demands a reaction.  We can choose to sit, but that is a choice.

Pain moves us.  It shapes us.

I'm not sure I like that.
But I guess I don't have to, eh?

A different view...

Recently I chatted w/ some folks about Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan.  You know the one?  The guy gets beat up and robbed while journeying some where and left for dead.  When the religious men pass by, they choose to keep walking, leaving him in his pain and trouble.  Then, when a man who's looked down upon and seen as unworthy passes by, he chooses to stop.  He chooses to show love and care for the man.

I've often read this story and heard lessons about it that focus on encouraging us to be the one who shows love, the person who will take time and effort to care.  And that's

very true and valid.  

We need to see those hurting, those in need as our 'neighbor' and love them as ourselves.  (which is quite a big lesson and pretty hard to do, especially if they're different from us)

But, I started thinking about the often overlooked character in this story, the beaten man.  We don't know much about him except that he was a man walking down the road from Jerusalem to Jericho. Those would have both been Israelite cities.  Could the speculate that he was an Israelite too?  And if so,

what would he feel 

when he watched his "brothers", those who should love him, walk by as if he was too unimportant to notice?  What feelings would he have for those men after he healed physically?  For the men who represent his God and who didn't seem to care at all for his pain?

And then, what feelings would he have for the man who did stop and help him heal?  A man who the religious people saw as an outcast, as unworthy, as unacceptable.  Yet, a man who was able to show love through his actions.  How would the hurt man see him now?   

I feel like the beaten man, struggling and in pain, stopped in my journey.  I have watched as some who claim to be my "brothers" pass by unconcerned, show in their actions they want nothing to do with me.  I have also experienced those who others consider "unclean" or "unacceptable" stop, take time, show me love and invest to help heal my wounds.  I know my view of these groups has altered;  I wonder if it was the same for the man in the story.

He says it well...

I read a bunch of blogs.  I like hearing peoples' thoughts and perspectives.  I enjoying using their thoughts to refine my own.

I find blogs to read through people I know and often end up reading blogs of people who just have interesting things to share. 

One blog I like is written by a missionary in Costa Rica.  I don't know him.  I don't even know which tradition he belongs to.  I do know that what he writes is reflective and honest.  It reads as though he's not afraid to be himself, warts and all.  He thinks and makes me think.  I don't have to agree with all he says, but thinking is good.

I've had some thoughts about 'chruch-y' things and how they can be off-putting.  I don't have the words to share what he does so well.

So, if you're interested in thinking a bit today, and maybe even reflecting a bit on yourself, have a look...
"I'm Not a Role Model"

I Got Your Back

I recently watched "The Blind Side" with a group of Aussie gals.  We enjoyed dinner, stories, laughs and the movie together.  It was an evening of friendships, both long lasting and newly beginning.

The movie paralleled that on a very deep level.  While the relationships in the movie begin with kindness and the hand of friendship, they develop into something exponentially more.  So much more, that it's both beautiful and humbling.

"I got your back."  That statement was used powerfully in the movie.  And it speaks volumes.  The steadfastness, the trust, the love, the acceptance, the true dedication and devotion that accompany that commitment.  very powerful.

Like any words, they can be easily spoken without meaning and honesty.  But to truly mean those words, to fully show the support they imply, to willingly stand beside a friend in the hard moments, is surely both special and rare.

If someone's got your back, you are a truly lucky person.


.

A Little Something

Most afternoons, when I'm walking Brenna home from school, she asks the same question as we step onto our front lawn.  She asks, "Did I get a package today?"

After a several rounds of this, I grew concerned.  I asked her if she was expecting something.  "No, just being hopeful," she cheerfully replied.  So each afternoon, we play this game.  She asks, and I say 'nope.'  But she doesn't stop asking.

About a week ago, I gave her a different answer.

Sitting on the table when she got in, was a small envelope.  To me, it didn't seem like much, but I couldn't have been more wrong.  She saw it and exclaimed, "A package!"  She excitedly took the note card sized envelope and snuggled into an armchair with a smile on her face.  Inside was a small paper with only a few sentences from a former Bible class teacher.  To Brenna, it was a beautiful, day-brightening, larger than imaginable package.

It likely took less than five minutes to write that note and less than a dollar to post it, but the joy and treasure that it brought far surpass any measure.

Thank you, Mr. Mike, for taking the time to write and send that note.  It was (and still is) cherished by my precious little girl.  And, by me.  It may have just looked like something little to me, but it's impact was much bigger.

May I follow through on my 'little somethings' for whatever impact they may make.
... also, may I hold to hope as easily and as lightly as my little girl.

Healing

It's interesting how healing goes.  It begins with sore areas that can consume all your focus.  Then gradually, the hurt begins it's healing and the pain fades.  There are moments when everything feels good, back to normal or even better.  But, watch out, a wrong twist or move and the aches quickly return as it becomes clear that you're not as healed as you suspected. 

I've had some great days of healing recently.  Today though, I had a couple bad twists and might just feel more sore than I have since getting home.

Good thing, there's a big rest ahead and tomorrow's a new day. 

Blessings,
and happy healing for any of your hurts.

Thankful Thursday - hands

This week I've thought a bit about hands.  They do a lot for me.  I wouldn't be typing this without my hands and the fingers that belong on them.  (I know there are ways to overcome this, but work with me...)  I'm thankful for the countless things my hands do for me everyday.

But hands are useful beyond doing.  Hands also communicate for us.  I found myself considering the importance of having a hand to hold.  Simply being able to hold a friend's hand can mean so much.  It can brighten a day or ease a burden.  Hands share life.

I looked through some pics and found these special hand moments... 

a promise

cherishing new beginnings

slowing down for little moments

the love of siblings

taking time to play

greeting a new friend

rest and peace

just hanging on

comfort and contentment

 lifting up in joy

fifty years and counting

I hope today, you can find a hand to hold, to give you comfort or encouragement, to share a joy or some strength.  Or, perhaps, you can offer that hand of peace and love to someone else instead.
Blessings.

Tuesday's Tangent - bats

I've never been a big fan of bats, the flying kind, that is.  (I'm not greatly fond of the other type of bats as they require hand-eye coordination of which i have very little... but that's another post).  I've always thought the flying bats were kind of creepy.  And anything that moves quickly can make me squirmish. 

But, last week, when we went to Sydney to apply for new passports for D and B, I saw heaps of bats flying from the Botanical Gardens over the Opera House and into the harbour.  VERY COOL! 

Bats are stunning to watch.  They're incredibly graceful and quite unique.  When they fly in front of lights, their wings are translucent.  Crazy!  I could have stood and watched them fly overhead for hours.  Who knew!

Silly me, I should have been appreciating them for what they were created to be, not comparing them to other things and judging them for what they were not.   hmm... 
;-)

The Harbour Bridge at dusk.

If you look closely, you should be able to see tiny black

dots in the upper left corner... those are bats! :-)

.

Lessons from the garden... tomatoes

We started a winter garden last year.  Well, okay, Shawn started the garden, but I did take some pics!  heehee.  It gave us some fantastic veggies... snow peas, lettuce, purple beans, carrots, silver beet, beetroot, to name a few (the ones I remember).  Then Shawn replanted for summer and we had some delicious tomatoes and capsicum (aka green peppers).

At first we were very good at keeping it watered and weeded.  I visited it every morning to give it a pep-talk and watch the baby lizards scurry away at my foot steps.  But after a while other things got in the way.
(and that's a totally different point...)

If you were to look at our garden this week, you'd actually ask... "What garden?!?"  It's quite overrun and jungle-like.  It doesn't resemble much of what it was created for.  There's grass and weeds overtaking the area.

 But here's the beautiful thing... I went out the other day and discovered some tomatoes growing.  Even amidst the neglect and garden sadness, there was something able to grow and fulfill it's purpose.  Some plants produced a bowlful of fruit.  :-)  Plump and round and red. 

I like that.  It gives me hope.
Sometimes life gets messy, or isn't orderly the way we'd anticipated.  But, in the middle of that, something can still grow and thrive.

Thanks, tomatoes.

Tuesday's Tangent - Fall

Actually, it's not fall here, the season's called Autumn.

It's beginning to change seasons.  The evenings are cooler.  It's nice to snuggle up to keep warm since the air is getting cool once the sun goes done.  The days aren't so hot... really, I've worn a sweatshirt on several days recently, so it must be getting cold.  ;-)  (heehee... if you know me, you know that's not quite true..)

But it's all feeling a bit odd.... 'cuz my brain is thinking that if the temps are going down and Fall's comin', then there are certain things that go along with that. Like my mum's birthday, but that's not till October.  And I'm craving some fresh apple cider... but I'm not sure I'll find any around here.   And the leaves should change colors any day now... but the trees aren't the same...  (and really, it's probably not that cool yet)

But this isn't fall... it's Autumn... and it's only April. 
and it's all just a bit odd... for today.

(fall in TN)

Welcome Autumn!
;-)

Thankful Thursday - laughter

Nothing brightens the day like laughing with a friend!
...or with the most wonderful hubby ever who's always nearby to share a laugh! 

I don't think I've ever pondered how fabulous, utterly terrific laughter is.  It livens and refreshes my spirit and attitude.  As my sweet sister would say... It's good fun!

And I'm not only thankful for laughter, but for those family and friends who share in the laughter... who make me laugh and laugh with me.  The world is a better place because of a little giggle now and again, because of a wee chuckle here and there.

Oh, and there's just so many types of laughter...  that makes me smile too!
What kind of a laugh-er are you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday's Tangent - bandaids

I like band-aids.  They come in so many shapes and sizes.  You can also find fun, colorful, and even character band-aids. 

When I was younger, I liked putting on band-aids just for fun.  The most memorable occasion when was I was about 16.  Just put a cute Care Bear band-aid on my hand and caused some fun conversations. 

That Care Bear band-aid came from my sister's stash.  She also loved putting them on, as did both of my children.  Sometimes they'd have a plethora of band-aids covering their body for big, little, and non-existent boo-boos. 

Although they're created for a particular purpose, covering wounds, band-aids are useful in other ways too.  A sweetly given band-aid can ease any childhood injury, it doesn't have to be open or have blood.  It eases pain just in the offering.  Sharing a 'fun' band-aid can bring smiles and joy, making someone feel special as well.  Wearing silly band-aids can start a conversation. 

I like band-aids. 
For something quite small, it can do so much.

Uncontainable Joy...

So, what about.... mercy, new birth (good to think about in a new year), times of suffering mean being refined, God's love, salvation...  those are all things to ponder in this section.  Without a doubt.  and there's so much more as well... layers and layers...  (at least to me, but truly, i'm no Biblical scholar)

Here's what struck me...  a sandwiching of praise, rejoicing, and joy.  These verses begin with "praise", you find "rejoice" in the middle, and at the ending there's "joy". 

And all I could think was, "Where's mine?" 
What happened to my desire to praise?  Why am I not rejoicing more?  And joy? I don't feel full of joy, let alone the "enexpressible and glorious joy".   Why not??

Now, those might seem odd to focus on.  We all know that life does not bring constant joy.  Heck, life's not even fair, so how could i think there should be joy?  But I have been there, I have felt that way.  So, what's happened with me?

When I looked closer, I found that I'm missing something... I haven't been making the choice... here's what i'd been forgetting... praise for God's great mercy... rejoice in an inheritance that never fades... filled with an inexperssible and glorious joy because I love him and receive the goal of my faith... 

I didn't misplace my joy... I simply lost focus. 
If I focus on God's mercy, my inheritance, and love... I know I will find joy beyond measure. 

Where's mine?  
... i guess it's always been here, I've just been looking in the wrong direction.
That's what I found in 1 Peter 1:3-9...  what about you?
~~~~
~~~

Is it cloudy in here?

Do you ever have a moment where you feel like you can see again?  but maybe you didn't even know things were cloudy?  And in that moment you think, "oh yeah, I knew that"... so it's kinda like an epiphany, but not new...

Yesterday I had one... during our team worship, we were looking at 1 Peter 1:3-9.  (Thanks, Corey) It's neat to me that although we all read/heard the same section, there were several different views.  And not oddly, what struck me was different than what others brought up.

That is, until Shawn mentioned the idea... in contrast to how i was viewing it.  (and again, that's not odd.  I like that we have different views)

So, how 'bout you...  what strikes you in those verses?  I'd love to hear.
(and I'll share in my thoughts in my next post, but I don't want to make this one too long)

Tuesday's Tangent...

I remember an assignment from my early school days....  to describe something so an alien visiting from another planet would understand what you're talking about.   I think that I even used this concept when working w/ one class to describe 'popcorn'...  Pretend you're writing for someone who's never seen, heard, smelled, touched it before...  someone not from our planet...

Sometimes that's what I'd like to say to people I come in contact with...  pretend I'm from another planet and don't have any knowledge of what you're taking about... start at the very beginning...  'cuz really, I'm not from around here.

roller coaster

Darian, Brenna, and Aunt Jane at the beginning of a great day at Cedar Point for a HalloWeekend in October of '07.

I love ridin' roller coasters! In fact, one of my favorite summertime destinations is Cedar Point, "America's Roller Coast" in Sandusky, OH. Tons of rollercoasters, yummy park food, and great memories.

But lately, I've been on a different sort of roller coaster. Still lots of ups and downs, often in rapid succession, but not nearly the fun. Though sometimes I do get that queazy feeling in my stomach.

Adusting to a move can be hard. I had no idea how challenging it would be to add culture shock into that mix. It seems silly that we could experience culture shock in a country that so similar to our own. But it's definitely had it's shocking times. I think that it just might be more frustrating because we should understand the language and so many other things. But truly, it is a different country. Not only do they use some confusing words (or words in confusing ways), but there's also a difference in values and customs, things you can't see or touch.

While I ride this roller coaster, I'm trying to stay connected and share what's going on. Sometimes, that doesn't seem to work. Hopefully that will change, I'd like to bring you all along this journey.

tug-o-war

I seem to be in a tug-o-war with myself, and perhaps even with God. I seem to jump from moments of amazing peace and hope to times of frustration and doubt. I'm pulled between the two, back and forth, back and forth.

As i look around me and at these swings, so many questions pop up. So many thoughts. The biggest of the is wondering, seeking God's will in this ebb and flow. Sometimes i think i understand, and others i'm sure i'm more confused than ever. I sway between the two, back and forth, back and forth.

Through it all, i tightly grasp the rope, afraid to let go ... going back and forth, back and forth.

Then i think... what if i just let go?
and how do i? what does it mean to let go?